Quitting Smoking, Take 734

Still going strong from Sunday at around 3pm. Still fighting off monster urges at the pace of about 3 daily. Usually in the morning, sometimes right after lunch or not until about an hour before it's time to leave work (usually because I'm antsy just to get out of there too), and usually one as I'm going to bed.

They are monster urges, like the song "What I Got" by Sublime, I'm gonna die if I don't get a cigarette. These are monster in every sense of the word. I tried with just willpower and mind diversion (thinking of something else), but the nerves in my body still say "Will you just go get a f@#%ing pack of smokes already, a@#%hole?" No, f@#%#@er! :P I don't like my body so you'd think I'd fill it with bad stuff like cigarettes, but I'm not smoking just to spite it. Mofo.

Craving a cigarette is brutal. You can't concentrate, sit still, or really think about anything else. When you're thirsty, really thirsty, you have to get a drink right now. You notice, "Goddamn I'm thirsty", and rather than trying to think of something else or ignore the need, you just go get water. It's the same when you're addicted to smoking. Only slightly worse for you.

It's really the hardest thing to do ever. Even if you manage to quit, you'll remember how good it was to smoke. I know a guy who smoked for 20 years, that quit 30 years ago and still has dreams about smoking. That's my fate, probably. It's so good, but my will power is pretty good this time. My thinking (and I would recommend this thinking to anyone) is that if I smoke now, I'll feel really good but then I'll be smoking again and will feel like crap in a few days. And if I keep off of them, I'll feel really good for a long time, but a slightly different kind of good. I can't smoke anymore, either. I never feel like doing anything. It blows.

During those monster urges, I'll hold off on doing anything about them for a bit because I like feeling my heart beating really hard, begging for a cigarette :P Then, I'll just breath really deep for a while, and if it's not gone then I know it's a monster urge. So then I'll pop in a nicotine lozenge. I can't even describe how bad nicotine urges are, so you just have to take my word for it.

Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to keep this up. I'm going to the Eagles game on Sunday, maybe I'll be off of the lozenges and not craving cigs at all, and can drink and not smoke all day long :) That would be the best. Wish me luck!

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