Observations of a Non-TV Watcher

I never watch TV. I watch sports, and sometimes I'll catch a Simpson's, Seinfeld, or Family Guy, of if I'm flipping through and catch Friends on, because they have seduced me in the past, I just have to watch. Tonight, however, I caught some good shows. You'll be disappointed, probably, that I haven't watched "the most anticipated" shows, or Emmy or Grammy nominees or whatever awards shows get, or that I don't watch reality shows, but I'll watch them if my brother wants to, and if I get sick of it, I'll run upstairs with a Pepsi and throw on a movie to fall asleep to. You'll also be disappointed, maybe, to know that I will only talk about 2 hours or so of television. Maybe you'll be disappointed that the shows I am going to talk about are only available on cable TV. And you might be extremely disappointed that the cable tv channel that they are on is ESPN Classic.

This week is apparently Mike Tyson week. When I first heard this from my brother, I asked, "What, is his porno being released at the end of this week or something?" I was joking and he knew it, I hardly say anything serious unless I'm interrupting an important interview with a hero of a local pro Sports team, or talking during a big play in a game. I don't hold back. If s@%# needs to be said, I'll say it. Never too serious, but stuff like "My old boss called me today, he's a good guy." Anyway, they've been showing Tyson's best matches this week on ESPN Classic. It's incredible. To watch that guy fight when he was in his prime, at age 19, is an honor. I was around 7 when he was big, I only really knew who he was because of "Mike Tyson's Punchout" for the Nintendo. I had the code to get directly to Tyson, but it's now left my memory. He was incredible. We watched throughout the week so far, all of his great matches, and tonight was the first match I saw of his that lasted past the first round. The dude is lightning. He comes out to the ring with no flashy garments, no robe with his name on it or anything, just shoes, sometimes with socks, and his trunks and his boxing gloves, and a mouth piece. He doesn't ever look cocky, and he doesn't even have the face of somebody who should be feared. He looks calm. Until the fight starts. Then he's throwing down, going toe to toe. A match tonight lasted 91 seconds. Another one was a TKO in the 5th round, where the only thing keeping the dude up was Tyson, until Tyson lead him up against the ropes and landed 2 or 3 vicious blows on him, and the ref intervened and called the fight. It didn't matter that these guys were taller, or had a longer reach, Tyson rocked them. It was truly awesome to watch, and I'll keep watching all week.

Another show that I love is Cheap Seats. If they release the seasons on DVD, it'll be right up there with my X-Files order of all nine seasons. However, Cheap Seats is very new, so it won't break the bank. The Sklar brothers, Randy and Jason, are hilarious. The shows that they pick to make fun of are pretty normal, but when they add their commentary, it's literally belly hurting laughter that arises. I remember one episode, a cliff diving competition from what had to be the late seventies or early eighties. This one guy from Mexico was up, and he wasn't a little guy. They were commenting on his size, and when he dove, from about 30 feet or so, just after he hit the water, they cut to a scene of an atomic bomb going off. You had to see it, just like that whole show. The reason it's so funny is definitely the comedic timing. But, also why it's so funny to me, is because I do this stuff all the time, even before I watched Cheap Seats. The latest, tonight, was when Tyson and his opponent were getting ready to fight, literally seconds before the start, and the ref asks, "Do you have any questions?", where I chimed in with "Uhh, where's the bathroom?" You know, not hilarious, but I just always have done stuff like that.

The last show that I just happened to watch was Arli$$ on the same channel. Arliss is a sports agent. It stars some pro sports players, like tonight's episode starred Mike Lieberthal. Arliss came up to him and said "Mike, you're the only Jew in the major leagues, we have to capitalize on it." Mike had speaking lines. It's rated TV-MA, so kids, don't watch it unless you're 17 or older. It didn't have curses or nudity, but tonights episode had racism. No "n" word, but others. Arliss played against a baseball team known as the Jaboo's in his childhood, and on the golf course he made a comment that those were the best pitchers he's faced, with a reporter from a free newspaper trailing behind him. The reporter obviously misinterpreted his comment and went live with the story about Arliss being a racist. It grew from there. It was a good show. That guy who played Alexander Knox in Batman, Robert Wuhl, was Arliss. Apparently it ran from 1996 to 2002, so I'm a bit late and catching reruns, just like I always do :) I probably won't watch it again, just because it didn't catch my attention that much, and I should have been watching the Astros / Cardinals game.

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